Half a Century!

I just turned 50 and it caused me to reflect on my life and faith and although not by any means complete, this expresses a few aspects of it which I would like to publically reflect on.


In 1982 at the age of 21 I went to church for the first time in my life (other than for a wedding or two that is) It was a small gathering of about 35 people which was made very humourous by the fact that we had gathered in a primary school hall and had to sit on miniature kids chairs! I knew nothing about church, I knew no songs, no famous preachers, I didn’t know there was a new and old testament, all I knew was that one night I had prayed to God for forgiveness and a peace I had never known before filled my life. That night I saw a ‘vision’ of a man with light emanating from him, and I knew it was a vision of Jesus. It was accompanied by the words “who ever believes in me will have eternal life”! I didn’t know at that time that it was taken from a bible verse. After that experience I read all about how Jesus loved prostitutes, outcasts and others who couldn’t make it on their own. I was inspired by how he hated hypocrisy and religion devoid of love and ultimately how he died for losers like me and rose again with the gift of eternal life. I so wanted to know him if I could, I loved everything about Jesus.

During those days I would take the bus to work and during the 40 minute journey there and back each day I ‘devoured’ the gospels. My favourite passages were probably in Matthew chapter five, where Jesus shares what is called ‘the sermon on the mount’. To this day it still encapsulates the God story and our response to it. I loved worshipping Jesus in those early days, I would get completely lost in His presence and I can say that I had some miraculous encounters with God many of which shaped my life to this day. I understand what it means when Jesus said “unless you are born again you can’t enter the Kingdom of God”. It was that dramatic for me! I cannot deny the enlightenment that came to my spirit at that time, I have never seen the world the same since. For me it was like a monochrome world became technicolour. At the same time I also felt the weight of another aspect of the ‘faith walk’ which was the misunderstanding and hostility of people who didn’t share my faith. Faith is such a hard thing to argue about because it is so internal and personal. It is a bit like arguing about how we can measure or prove our love for someone, it is so hard to quantify unless we see it demonstrated. I have come to see over the years that everyone has faith, it is just that some people’s faith is in something other than God! None of us knows anything for sure, so I guess in those early years I learned that it wasn’t that important to win arguments but it was better to demonstrate my faith by love. (Something I didn’t always do and still don’t today sadly)


I often think about those early days of my discovery of Jesus and I yearn for the purity and innocence of my faith in that early time. As time has gone on I have been somewhat tarnished as I have learned the ‘jargon’ of faith. I have worked in so many denominations that I know just what to avoid and what to say so as to find favour in most situations. In contrast to how it was in those early days, I now know lot’s of God songs and many of the people who wrote them, I have studied theology and the Creeds and many of the saints and the sinners! I have practiced apologetics in schools and universities and can argue for hours about the existence of God even with highly educated people without being shaken in my resolve. I know too much about the ‘politics of religion’ having worked in countless churches in many cultures on five continents. All of this time and experience has forged this huge place in my heart for the purity of simply communing with Jesus again.


I have come to see why Jesus had such a loathing for religion and why he spoke so harshly to those who were attempting to uphold its rules and creeds while forgetting the heart of it all. I often acknowledge that I joined the church because I had to openly admit that I could not make it alone. The church (however it is now defined) is beautiful because it is made up of broken people humbling themselves before a perfect Creator saying “I need saving from myself”. It is because of this perspective that I have really struggled over the years with people who try to manipulate me through claims that God has given them some unique spiritual revelation which makes them more spiritually knowing and thus more powerful than me. It’s like I should wrongly conclude that I must have some need of them so I can be authentic as a believer and so that I don’t miss out somehow on what God has for me! It is so not how I see things at all, especially because I too have laboured under the yoke of needing to be the ‘pastor’ who can speak certainty into season’s of uncertainty in life. What I have come to realize through much personal pain is that essentially we all struggle with the same stuff. We all have doubts and fears and are painfully aware of our inadequacies and short comings. The trials of life force us to ask deep, serious questions that frustratingly, we know cannot be answered in this lifetime. It seems so incongruous to think that a special ‘anointed’ meeting or revival encounter is going to make it all right! Even the most ‘powerful’ public preacher struggles with the belief that if they told their audience how it really is in their personal life they would lose their power over them like Samson losing his hair. I can’t believe we are shocked when yet another one falls in disgrace leaving us to build another system around the next charismatic voice who gives us a new move of god to believe in again. We are so fickle!

What I have always loved about Jesus is that although He is the very Word by which everything was created, He is the King of Kings, the supreme One over all, He still humbled himself and became the bond servant of all. The perfect sinless one who embraced the shame of the cross to give life to others. I am so desperate to see this selfless aspect of character demonstrated in me because it makes Jesus so attractive to people. No one can relate to someone who has everything together, for whom everything resolves nicely and for whom every question has a nice tidy thought out answer. It’s for this reason, and a million and one others that I am openly admitting that I still need a Saviour, and that I still want to follow the author and finisher of my faith.

Thanks for your interest in reading this, Graham.

Spoilt footy players

I was reading about a famous soccer player pretending he was ill so he would miss an international friendly recently. He was then not selected for the team's recent encounter as a punishment.

It made me think about how rediculous the game has become especially because of all the money involved nowadays. There was a day when to get called up to the National team and put on your country's colours was the highest honour in the sport and to me that seems appropriate.

It brought to my recolletion a personal story that I experienced in Romania a couple of years ago. I was with the good people of Hope for the Nations/Romania and they had just completed a home makeover for a family in a tiny rural village near Brasov. The family was living in a converted slaughter house on the edge of town. The house was one room with a tiny window and a lean too shed outside where the older kids would sleep if the weather permitted.  I was invted in to see the completed project by this overwhelmingly thankful family and I noticed a faded photo on the mantle. I noticed that it was a photo of the Romanian National soccer team. In the photo was the man of the house who had once played for his county.  I couldn't help but think that if he had played for a team nowaday's he would be living in the lap of luxury but there he was in his very difficult situation, wife and 4 or 5 kids in one room. This mans proud face lit up as he acknowledged his former achievemnes in the National Team. He had played for his country for pride and how refreshing it was to behold.

A place to write more thoughtful things

If you know me then you will know that I love to piss around and have a good laugh, you will also know that I love to contemplate more serious things as well. One of the ways I have learnt how to cope with some of the bewildering things that life throws at me is to laugh at them. This however doesn't mean that I dont actually think deeply about them. I have been thinking about writing a more serious blog about such things in the hope that it can be cathartic for me and also so that people who are interested in an on line dialogue can enter in to that with me.  I have decided to do it here because it takes a deliberate effort to find this blog rather than on facebook which is open to anyone and I dont know if I want anyone to see this if you know what I mean.  I have been involved with a couple of online discussions in the past and they have sometimes become a bit agressive or dare I say it narrow and I am not really interested in that kind of approach to discussion.
So with this in mind my first posting will be some inconclusive thoughts about how gnosticism (A heresy dating back to the first 25 years of the church's formation) effects how Christian artists are permitted to express themselves in most churches today. I will put the finishing touches to my 1st draft soon and post it up here to see how it goes down.
I welcome your constructive input.
Cheers Graham.

It has been many a year since I last posted so it's probably about time I did again eh?
I have just returned from Germany where I did a 3 week tour with my buddy Norm Strauss. It was a blast. I really love Germany and the people there are great too. What I really love is going to the old towm squares and having a coffee while watching the world pass by! It's great.
Thanks for popping by
Keep rocking
Graham.